Displaying posts 1 to 10 of 477.
I find Meghan Markle as charming as if I found a red-backed spider down the front of my underpants.
Do you collect restraining orders from Paul Hogan’s solicitors? As I have said before, you know far too much about Paul Hogan to be healthy.
I don’t know anything about this Paul Young you mentioned, but you clearly do. How many restraining orders from Paul Young’s solicitors do you have in your trophy case?
How do you know that red-backed spider in your garage is female? Unless, does she have tiny restraining orders in her her web against the spiders that live in the houses of Paul Hogan and Paul Young?
I’ve not conducted a business transaction with a hooker for some years, but you have given me an idea for realty TV show...“Haggling with Hookers”.
I will see your made up places names and raise you actual place names in the UK:
Once Brewed/Twice Brewed
Rest and Be Thankful
The above are verifiable via communing with the all knowing one… Google. All hail Google!
I will also see your rather tame “Cheers” and raise you a... Bottoms up.
So everyone is well preserved in Oz, because you’re all brined? Well that finally explains how Paul Hogan looks.
I don’t need a house, wherever I lay my hat that's my home. Now if only I had a hat.
Do you live in a house, a house full of poisonous insects and critters, as all houses are in Australia aren’t they? Do you know that even the silliest looking creature on the planet, AKA the Platypus has a poisonous sting? Also do you know that one bite from Paul Hogan can kill ten men? Are there any creatures in Oz that don’t sting, and I’m not just talking about the prices hookers charge?
Hang on, there’s a place simply called “Orange” in Oz? Is there a serious lack of imagination in naming places down under? I take it once all the primary colours were used up to name places, that’s when Australians really had to scratch their heads to name towns? Are there towns called things such as “Light Blue” or “Pale Yellow” down under?
Do peoples skins taste of Vegemite in OZ when they get a tan? Is licking each other a big problem socially in Australia?
Better to be a live scaredy cat than have to constantly spray myself with Australians repellent to stop me being licked all the time.
Yes I lock my doors and windows, now all I need is a house to go with the doors and windows and I’ll be fine.
Of course I look at other people, there’s nothing wrong with being a peeping Tom... unless you get caught.
In England Canberra is pronounced, “Licking City”. Have you always licked, sorry I meant have you always lived in Canberra?
Did you used to live somewhere ending in “ong” as lots of places in Oz seem to end in “ong”?
You said that sunshine is the “best ever” in Oz, so does that mean sunshine down under tastes of Vegemite? Do Australians walk about outside with their tongues out all the time tasting the sunshine?
No that’s not me sleeping with my mouth open. For some reason I have an irrational fear of someone breaking into my house and taking a photo of me whilst I sleep, and even stranger than that, I don’t have a compulsion to use a photo of me taken by a housebreaker as my profile photo on a pen-pal site.
I can tell that Australians are positive compared to the English, because if Canberra was a place in England it would be called Can’tberra.
Where does the Yellow Brick Road lead to in the Oz down under, Vegemite City?
Are all Australians made to follow the Yellow Brick Road as soon as they can walk, to get the Wizard (AKA the CEO of Vegemite Evil Inc.) to put a spell on their taste buds, so that Vegemite tastes like food and not something you would use to preserve wood?
I believe that in Oz meat pies and the like are also popular? Which I find odd, as I don’t regard pies as the sort of food to eat in the sunshine, that’s like going for a picnic in the Ataractic and eating salad.
I’m curious what an ideal day out would be like to a typical Australian, would it be a trip to a pub on a tree lined deserted beach, with the searing sun beating down, whilst scoffing tons of baking hot meat pies, all washed down with gallons of Vegemite flavoured lager as you watch sheep surfing?
Yes I’m dying… dying for a drink, but the pubs are all shut. I’m sure you can relate what with you being an Australian.
Wow, you have A.M. and P.M. down under. Australia is way more modern than I’ve heard.
Do you have PMS in Oz as well? If so, rubbing Vegemite ones forehead if one has PMS helps, not that it will ease any tension felt, but the stench of it will knock you out.
Me not in Oz.
You mean you smuggled some Vegemite into the UK, as Vegemite is a controlled substance here?
With a sensitive bedside manner like yours, “Skippy is dead” have you thought of becoming a doctor? What did Skippy die of, was he hung for stealing a jar of Vegemite?
About now you might be saying to yourself that you wish I wouldn’t keep going on about Vegemite, and that there’s more to life than Vegemite, but unfortunately you couldn’t say really that could you, because as an Australian you know it wouldn’t be true.